


Someday this Pain Will be Useful for you

by CarbonInsolence



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Child Abuse, Dark, Date Rape, Depression, Drug Addiction, Drugged Sex, Like I can't stress that enough, M/M, Mpreg, Postpartum Depression, Prostitution, Statutory Rape, Stripper Louis, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Pregnancy, Underage Sex, triggering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-24 01:26:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8350864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarbonInsolence/pseuds/CarbonInsolence
Summary: ‘It wasn't a sadness that could be cried out and replaced with better memories of better times. It was like a sickness at the pit of the stomach. It was terminal.Maybe it had always been there.’Or Louis’ a stripper living in a fantasy world on the edge of madness and Harry’s there to pull him right on in.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I can't stress how triggering this is (see the above tags). Just make sure you know what sort of thing your reading.

There’s something wrong with Louis.

It’s not the pretty fishnet knee highs he pulls up his soft shaven legs. It’s not the blouse with the buttons open at the top - just enough to see the start of his collar bone, just enough to see the bruises. It’s not the tiny little skirt he wears which flips up when he twirls to give onlookers a tease of the lace panties wrapped around his bottom and his milky white thighs.

Maybe it’s the way he lets men rip that underwear off him or push it to the side. Maybe it’s the way he bends over and lets whoever wants a go have one. Maybe it’s the drugs which make him docile and pliable, just the way he likes. He needs to feel out of control to let what he wants happen. Like maybe it’s just the drugs which make him a whore. Maybe it’s just the drugs which makes men call their mates away from a five quid blow job with the words ‘this one’s free’.

Free. Not even cheap.

Maybe it’s the drugs which make him the way he is.

_Liar._

-

He’s nearly fourteen years old when he first notices the affect he has on men. He’s just opened up to his mother about wanting to wear women’s clothes. She cries and says she’s so glad he trusted her enough to tell her. She says he shouldn’t be afraid or ashamed of how he feels, some boys just feel this way, gender is a spectrum. Louis’ more interested in the pleated skirt she buys him. It’s conservative and goes just past his knees.

It makes him feel pretty.

His step-father thinks so too. Louis notices his glances. He mistook it for anger at first but soon he starts to recognise the want in his eyes. When Louis sits down he lets his skirt ride up. Just to get a reaction.

He gets one. His step-father feels the need to excuse himself more and more often.

Louis starts to think about sex a lot. He thinks about having it with his step-father.

One evening his mother and sisters are out and Louis wears a skirt shorter than normal. It has the desired effect. His step-father thinks it’s his place to touch Louis. He lay’s him down on the couch and suddenly his hands are everywhere.

Louis loves it.

‘Stop,’ he says.

His step-father does. He’s immediately apologising. He can’t seem to stop saying sorry.

When Louis’ back in his room he smirks to himself. He’s forbidden fruit. He touches himself thinking about the torment the poor man downstairs must go through knowing the thing he desires the most is his wife’s son.

The skirts don’t make feel pretty anymore. They make him feel sexy.

They make him powerful.

-

He loses his virginity days after turning fourteen to a closeted sixth form rugby player with a pretty blond girlfriend.

He’s overly forward about it but he can’t help it. He’s been planning it for a while now.

He wants to know all about sex.

He’s pushed against a locker with his panties around his ankles, blouse ruffled and skirt around his waist. It’s painful and the rugby player only lasts a few thrusts before he’s coming inside Louis but it’s enough.

He pulls his panties up, folds his skirt back down and straightens his blouse before giving the boy a quick peck on the lips, giggling and skips out the locker room with a bounce of his skirt and a final glimpse of his bottom.

-

On the way home he’s wobbly on his feet and he feels cum running down his thighs. When he finally unlocks his front door he runs up to his room and strips in front of his mirror.

He wonders if he looks different, maybe more grown up but in the mirror he’s still the same young looking teenager he was this morning.

He fingers himself in the shower and comes again thinking about the ache at the bottom of his spine and the feeling of having something inside him and decides he wants more.

-

Sex becomes a big part of his life. It doesn’t really matter with who, or why or even if their good. Louis just can’t help it.

Deep down Louis knows there might be something wrong, like maybe he shouldn’t feel the need to lift his skirt and spread his legs for anyone that shows an interest in him. Maybe he shouldn’t let any old man fulfil his fantasy of fucking a teenager again; maybe he shouldn’t be giving it up for boys in the bathroom while he’s meant to be in maths class.

But he does it anyway.

-

Five months after his first time he has to be told he’s pregnant.

He’s made it past the morning sickness stage without being suspicious and is starting to show when his mum pulls him aside.

‘I think you’re going to have a baby,’ she says.

Louis laughs. ‘As if.’

‘Darling you’re showing.’

And yes he was, just a bit. But a pregnancy test later and a trip to the doctor and it’s confirmed that he’s about four months pregnant.

-

His mum cries and demands to know who got her precious teenage son pregnant and his step father looks at him in awe like maybe he wishes it had been him.

Louis finally snaps. ‘God knows it could have been anyone this side of town mum,’ he says which just makes her cry more.

‘What did I do to make you like that?’ she howls.

-

‘Slut,’ someone hisses at him in the school corridor.

He’s nine months pregnant now and to be honest he’s used to the names he’s being called. It’s true anyway he thinks - he doesn’t even know whose baby he’s carrying. Hell he can’t even narrow it down. It must have been approximately a month after he lost his virginity but still that doesn’t tell him too much.

Sometimes the boys in the years above him ask him if it’s theirs but he tells them he doesn’t know and they always looked relieved. Then they try and see how much they can get out of him and Louis has a lot to give.

‘Can’t get you more pregnant than you are now,’ they laugh as they trust in him and Louis always rolls his eyes. As if they’re not the first person to make that joke.

-

Sex has started to make him feel dirty. He feels marked and owned. He’s let someone come in him and use him for their own pleasure and in return they’ve left him with a swelling stomach and judgemental glares. Like he’s been tagged.

He thinks that maybe the baby will help him. When it finally makes an appearance maybe he’ll fall in love with it. He’s read online and in the pregnancy books his mum bought him that mothers feel something for the baby while it’s still inside them but Louis doesn’t. For him it’s just a hindrance. He feels nothing for it.

-

When the doctor does finally hand him his baby girl after a long labour he realises that the sudden burst of love thing isn’t going to happen.

It’s just like any other baby he’s ever seen. He couldn’t pick it out from a group of more than a couple.

He hands it to his mum. ‘Look,’ he says trying to sound excited. ‘It’s my baby.’

His mum takes it from him and cradles it like an expert. ‘Oh she’s beautiful,’ she coos. ‘What’s she going to be called?’

Louis shrugs. ‘Dunno.’

His mum doesn’t even spare him a glance. ‘She’s just beautiful isn’t she? I loved her the moment I knew she was growing.’

-

Louis picks a random name from his head when signing the birth certificate. ‘I like Emma,’ he says.

When they get home his mum’s set the crib up in the spare room which she’s spent about six months transforming into a nursery. She says she’s going to sleep in with Emma.

Louis thinks a better parent would say something. A better parent would want to be around their baby but he can’t even look at her.

He doesn’t think he cares about anything anymore.

-

Sex still matters to him. Or maybe it’s just habit now.

His mum puts him on birth control as soon as humanly possible. It’s possibly the only bit of kindness he gets from her anymore. Her life revolves around Emma and Louis sisters now.

He cries the first time he has sex after he’s given birth it hurts so much but he does it again and again anyway. He doesn’t know why.

-

He meets Ben shortly after he turns fifteen in an upmarket gay club where his dodgy fake I.D manages to work. He’s forty years old and owns a string of gentleman’s clubs all across the globe but predominantly in New York. He gets Louis drunk, takes him back to his central London hotel and fucks him into the mattress.

It’s good though. Louis comes harder than he has in a while and is all giggly afterwards.

Ben brings out a little baggy full of plain white powder and Louis draws in breath.

‘Do you want some love,’ Ben asks looking at Louis.

Louis gapes at the drugs. ‘I don’t know,’ he says slowly.

Ben laughs. ‘I can’t make a decision for you darling,’ he says tutting slightly making Louis feel ashamed of his indecision.

He nods slowly. ‘Okay,’ he decides.

Ben smirks. ‘Shall I show you how?’

-

The high makes Louis sloppy and unable to control his limbs properly. He’s barely aware of Bens’ cock thrusting in and out of him but he feels like he’s floating.

He’s happy. He’s finally happy.

-

It’s after two days of nearly continual sex when Louis finally comes out the haze of drugs and sex that he’s been in for so long. He’s missed days of school but his mum doesn’t even call to ask where he is. She’s given up trying to control him now.

‘How old are you?’ Ben asks finally.

Louis considers lying but decides against it. Ben’s made him feel so content; he doesn’t want to lie to him.

‘I turned fifteen recently?’ he says as if it’s a question and he’s scared of the reaction.

Ben draws in breath. ‘God you’re young,’ he says. ‘I couldn’t tell.’

‘You couldn’t?’ Louis asks sitting up, pleased.

Ben traces over Louis hips and down towards his thighs. ‘Of course not,’ he says. ‘I mean, look at the curves on you. They belong on someone much older than you are.’

Louis blushes. ‘It’s probably because I had a baby just over two months ago.’

Ben pauses letting his hand rest on Louis soft stomach.

‘You’ve had a baby?’

Louis nods. ‘But my mum looks after it,’ he replies like he’s trying to justify himself. ‘I’m not very good with it. Besides, it doesn’t like me anyway.’

‘That’s alright,’ Ben says kissing him on the edge of his lips. ‘You’re far too beautiful to be tied down like that anyway.’

Louis preens at the compliment and the lack of judgement.

‘Your body could make you a lot of money you know,’ Ben muses kissing Louis tummy. ‘You’re gorgeous. You’d be a natural.’

Louis freezes. ‘I’m not a whore,’ he says slowly.

Ben chuckles. ‘I don’t mean that. I don’t mean that at all,’ he says. ‘I mean on a pole - or in laps maybe. It’d be your choice. I’d say you’re too young but with a baby at home I’d argue you’re more than an adult.’

Louis sucks in air. ‘A pole.’

Ben smirks. ‘You’d be the centre piece.’

-

Louis ends up naked on stage with nothing but a strip of tiny lace covering his ass most evenings. He’s popular, maybe not the most popular but good enough for him. The patrons like him well enough and the tips are good.

He always means to buy presents for the baby but he never gets round to it. He just spends it on whatever drugs Ben’s willing to spare him.

His mum stops caring where he is and his step father starts to look at him with disgust not want.

-

Louis thinks maybe he’s in love with Ben. He always tells him how pretty his is up on stage and Louis giggles and somehow tries to communicate his love and obsession with him.

Of course Ben spends time with some of the other strippers, the taller, older curvier ones. And of course Ben sometimes expects Louis to spread his legs for his business partners as a way to sweeten the deal a bit.

But in the end it’s Louis who Ben takes home.

-

This whole charade goes on for a year and ends the same way as before. He’s in a perpetual state of being so drunk and high so he doesn’t notice he’s pregnant again till it’s too late and he’s showing.

Apparently crack and birth control don’t mix.

-

He’s four months and his bump is ever so slight. It’s worrying how little he’s showing the doctors have said. They’ve asked if he’s been drinking and Louis lies and tells them of course not. He’s kept on stripping as well. So far the bumps just added slightly to his curviness.

He tells Ben he’s pregnant on the night of his sixteenth birthday. He’s in a booth at the back of a seedy pub and he’s half naked in Bens lap.

He doesn’t seem too concerned.

‘Okay darling,’ he says stroking Louis’ thighs. ‘Well, after you give birth you can come back to work can’t you babe?’

Louis’ teary because that’s all Ben cares about anymore. How much money he’s making.

‘But it might be yours,’ Louis says.

Ben sighs exasperated. ‘You have sex with a lot of people baby,’ he says shaking his head. ‘Really it could be anyone’s.’

He’s been on such a high for the whole night, the past year really. Ben’s been amazing to him. He’s dreamed of being whisked away from the judging eyes of his family and the name calling at school to live with Ben but this feels like a stab in the heart.

‘You’re right,’ Louis sighs softly. ‘It could be anyone’s.’

-

He’s drunk when he tells his mum and she loses it.

‘This is so you Louis,’ she snaps. She’s holding a fourteen month old Emma in her arms and looking at Louis with accusing eyes. ‘You’re sixteen for god sake what the fuck is wrong with you.’

Looking back Louis would pin point this as the moment he finally lost it.

Louis see’s red. ‘Don’t you dare swear in front of my child,’ he hisses.

‘Your child? Your child?’ His mum says with a fake laugh in her voice. ‘It’s been over a year now and you’re yet to be anything more than just a shit roommate to her.’

‘How could you say that?’ Louis slurs. ‘I love her she’s my daughter.’

His mum pauses. ‘Are you drunk?’

Louis shakes his head.

‘Are you serious right now,’ she cries. ‘You’re pregnant for Christ’s sake.’

Louis slides to the floor defeated. ‘Yeah I am,’ he says. ‘With my forty-one year old boyfriend who loves me loads and loads. He makes me happier than I’ve ever been here.’

It’s silent for almost a full minute.

‘Get out.’

Louis looks up. ‘What?’

‘Get out.’ His mother says. She’s clutching onto Emma for dear life. She’s not even looking at Louis.

Louis feels a chill run through him. He feels more drunk than he ever has in his life.

‘Mummy?’ Louis whines. ‘Mummy no. I didn’t mean to.’

His mum shakes her head. ‘You can’t stay here like this. You’re a wreck. I don’t know why you’re like this but you can’t be around your sisters and you certainly can’t be around Emma the way you are.’

Louis blinks. ‘Around Emma?’

His mother winces. ‘She’s staying with me.’

‘No,’ Louis says standing up slowly. ‘No. She’s my baby. She’s all mine. Give her to me!’

Louis makes grabby hands at Emma and his mum backs away.

‘Louis stop it!’

‘Give her too me!’ he screams and grabs Emma’s little arm and pulls.

Emma screams in pain.

His mum slaps him across the face and he falls backwards. His hands instantly clutch at his stomach.

‘You bitch,’ he rages. ‘You could have hurt it.’

‘Believe me son you’ll hurt that poor child more than I ever will even if you manage to get it to full term in the state you’re in,’ she shoots at him. ‘Look you’ve made Emma cry.’

‘You can’t take her away from me,’ Louis shrieks. He hears the sound of one of his sisters running to her room. ‘She’s mine.’

‘You haven’t looked after her for even a minute since you gave birth to her,’ his mother says. ‘You’re constantly inebriated in some way or another. If you take her, you’ll hurt her and neglect her.’

‘I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t,’ Louis sobs snot and tears running down his face. ‘She’s mine.’

‘You just did hurt her,’ she replies curtly.

‘A-Accident,’ Louis gets out.

His mother shakes her head. ‘I’m sorry you have to go.’

‘Well I’ll come back to her,’ Louis shrieks. ‘I’ll bring Ben and he’ll take her from you. You crazy psychotic bitch.’

‘Get out Louis,’ his mother says tears in her eyes. ‘It’s not safe for you to be around here anymore.’

-

Ben takes him back to his new London penthouse and Louis stays therefore most of his pregnancy.

He doesn’t stop drinking and Ben keeps up a steady stream of drugs.

He doesn’t go back for Emma. He just lies in bed all day and tries to feel something.

After he’s missed a certain amount of doctors’ appointments child services gets involved. They tell him he can’t possibly look after a baby in the way he is. They say drinking and taking drugs while knowing he’s pregnant constitutes as child abuse.

He screams bloody murder at them. He tells them they can’t have his baby. It’s all he has now.

Ben tries to fake reason with him and Louis’ to fucked up to notice that maybe it’s just a show.

‘I’d be a good Dad,’ he says crying into Ben’s shirt.

‘I know baby, I know,’ Ben says rubbing his back. ‘Why don’t you have a drink my love and I’ll make you feel better?’

-

He gives birth at seven and a half months. The baby comes out tiny and nearly doesn’t survive.

‘Look how unhealthy he is,’ the doctor says. ‘It’s a miracle he made it out alive considering what that kid was pumping into him.’

Louis screams and screams when they say there taking him away to be adopted by a nice family who’ll be able to cope with him. He’s louder than any of the other people giving birth on the ward; he’s louder than anyone else in the hospital.

It takes Ben hours to make him stop crying.

When he’s finally discharged Ben drives him back to the penthouse.

‘I’m leaving for New York,’ he says later that evening. ‘You know that’s where most of my clubs are so I was thinking you could come with me for good luck. And maybe when you’ve lost all your baby weight we’ll get you on the polls there.’

Louis lies back in the bed and stares at the ceiling.

‘Whatever’s good for you,’ he says.


End file.
